你到底懂不懂

happy graduation in advance.

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
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I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.









What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.















The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.






I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.















The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

deeply missed.

All my 23 years, I'd two people who I'm closely related passed away, my paternal great-grandfather who lived with my family for a while and my maternal uncle who lived in KL. Upon hearing the fatal accident my mom tear. It was my first time seeing her in such watery red eyes, I was taken aback but I guess I was too young to know what death is really about. Looking back, one of my greatest regret in life is not able to attend his funeral in KL when I was actually in M'sia at the time. And as for my great-grandfather, maybe we saw the passing coming, we were psychologically prepared (he was more than 90 years old then). I remembered that afternoon in one of my dad's shop, gu-po was giving us updates of his condition, every time the phone rings, my hearts races.

Few days ago, I'd learnt a tragic death, a horrible one. This time around it was rather difficult to accept. I'm not one of his closest mates in school but it was enough to shock me and left me dumb that whole night. Like many, I couldn't sleep as well. we wish his just gone for awhile only. we wish this was just a prank. He must have forgotten the deal we had the last time we met, to be back in town and have another round of steamboat. I clicked through his picture in fb and started asking many why. Why, as friends, we didn't spend a little more time showing concerns to each other even if its just chatting on msn? phantom4273 is never gonna appear online again. How can life be so fragile.? It's not fair. A wonderful person with great future lying ahead for him, why take him away from us just like that? how can they be so cruel to him?

His sudden departure aches all who loves him dearly and I hope his family is coping it. I like to believe that his one of the stars up there we saw on wed night, always there watching over us. I pray. May he soar freely toward the destination where his next mission awaits.

rest in peace.

Mozart Beyond the Grave

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

By Google's Joke of the Day

merry christmas!

what to give the girl who has everything
all i want for christmas you
here’s my list
i checked it twice
wasn’t good, wasn’t bad
i was naughty and nice.
had my eye on you all year long
and now i know fo sho
i wouldn’t even have to try you on
no need for gift return.

it’s going to be a cold winter
but i wont need the heat to keep me warm
as long as you wrap yourself around me
on christmas morn’
whether it’s now or later
s’long as it’s before you go, you know
my love is always in your favor
and now you know that
all i want for christmas...
is...

sweet like a candycane
hanging from the tree
i will stripe you red and green
when you hit me like a sugar rush
no need for the other stuff
this season you’re all that i need.
they say wishing for you
is like wishing for snow in california
but you know that i can prove them all wrong
cause my love is true
i simply adore ya.

it’s going to be a cold winter
but i wont need the heat to keep me warm
as long as you wrap yourself around me
on christmas mornin’
whether it’s now or later
as long as it’s before you go, you know
my love is always in your favor
and now you know that
all i want for christmas...
is...

can’t say that i’ve been good all year
but i’ve been making resolutions to get you here
and if it means being better than whatever, no sweat
well i bet my halls that i deck for the cause
and santa claus, he knows what my intentions are
even dismissing mistle toe
so i get to know ya, first of all
singing oh my god
you’re the reason that i decorate my yard

it’s going to be a cold winter
but i wont need the heat to keep me warm
as long as you wrap yourself around me
on christmas mornin’
whether it’s now or later
got to tell you before you go, that
love is always in your favor
and now you know that
all i want for christmas...
all i want for christmas...
all i want for christmas is us..
all i want for christmas is us...

not a big fan of jay but, 笑一个吧!

对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什么人要这么的脆弱堕落
请你打开电视看看
多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

不要这么容易就想放弃就像我说的
追不到的梦想换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色
先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色

笑一个吧功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机
现在终于飞回我手里
所谓的那快乐
赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了
谁在偷笑呢
我靠着稻草人吹着风唱着歌睡着了
哦哦午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦哦阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

Better Together.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

mmmmmmm

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together

the brick wall.

We all read about the Last Lecture didn't we? so Randy Pausch told us that the brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough.

But what if I crash onto the brick walls? like I lost control of my steer wheel? like I can't jam my brake peddle? no, I can't jump out of the car cos the lock has gone awry. what if I smash right onto it? what should I do?



I need the Gilmore girls.

A picture of you.

I came across a picture of you
I had this unexplainable feeling;
and I thought if I will ever see you in real.

it's been a while I last met you
I wondered how are you
for I cant help missing you.

Has every thing at your side changed?
Have you found what you wanted?
Did you become a better you?

You have been appearing in my dreams
all the vivid imagination.
so I pray to see you in real.

Will I get lost in your eyes?
Will I get to be myself in front you?
I will breathe hard to stay strong.

Will you still see me as before?
Will you hold me tight this time?
I will breathe hard to stay strong.

It's been so long
but I have not gone too far
for I am where we were before.

I am not sure if my unyielding will touched you
or perhaps I no longer belong in your world.
but I will continue to follow my heart
for I only want to be true to myself.

i hope you're happy.

 

ah la la la la la la la.

how has your life been? as usual? unmanageable and difficult.? or did the recently asia's twin disaster ached you too? like how the song goes, it takes some good to make it hurt. It takes some dust to have it polished. Indeed, there no ending to what we want to say. life is wonderful even though it there are times when it's filled with shit. cos those shit will turn into fertilizers in time to come. press on.

"At some point you have to make a decision. Barriers don't keep others out. They fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular." Meredith Grey.

Who's mine?

oh man, didn't you melt??!? go listen to the studio version too.. find me somebody who can sing like him!

please don't tell her.

red glowing sun.

I was using my party shuffle and I came across this song. It reminds me of the LD era. well it's a little pity that it never managed to make a significant presence in market back then. anyway it was far too big compared to the current compact disc we're using. Back to the song. I love this song since donkey years. Although at a young age I don't understand the whole load of cantonese, I absolutely love the catchy tune. it has this element that makes my day livelier. and then I realised the lyrics was beautifully written. the entire lyrics is rather long winded so here's a portion of it;

一生之中兜兜转转那会看清楚
彷徨时我也试过独坐一角像是没协助
在某年那幼小的我
跌倒过几多几多落泪在雨夜滂沱
一生之中弯弯曲曲我也要走过
从何时有你有你伴我给我热烈地拍和
像红日之火燃点真的我
结伴行千山也定能踏过
让晚风轻轻吹过
伴送着清幽花香像是在祝福你我
让晚星轻轻闪过
闪出你每个希冀如浪花快要沾湿我

命运就算颠沛流离
命运就算曲折离奇
命运就算恐吓着你做人没趣味
别流泪心酸更不应舍弃
我愿能一生永远陪伴你

我愿能一生永远陪伴你

somtimes old is better.

or sometimes old is the best.

old songs;
old clothes;
old shoes;
old cafes;
old friends!

they understand me without having me to explain much. without having me to try so hard to fit myself in. without me worrying my image. they share my past and they share my present. they made me me. the way I am now. thank-you.

也许该把门打开风才能进来. 给我一个拥抱,为我祝福和祈祷.

spreading wings

I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
So I prayed.

I'll spread my wings and
I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky.
Out of the darkness and
into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
And I'll make a wish.

my blueberry nights.

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?
Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.


Elizabeth: Wait! I want a piece.

Life is all things.

Life is the blossoming of flowers in the spring,
the ripening of fruit in the fall,
the rhythm of the earth and of nature.

Life is the cry of cicadas signaling the end of summer,
migratory birds winging south in a transparent autumn sky,
fish frolicking in a stream.

Life is the joy beautiful music instills in us,
the thrilling sight of a mountain peak reddened by the rising sun,
the myriad combinations and permutations
of visible and invisible phenomena.

Determination & Gratitude.

Traveler,
From whence do you come?
And where do you go?
The moon has set,
But the sun has not yet risen.
In the chaos of darkness before dawn
Seeking the light,
I advance.
To dispel the dark clouds from my mind
To find a great tree unbowed by the tempest
I emerge from the earth.

9th March.

In the middle of this drifting season
I suddenly feel the length of the days
In the midst of these quickly-passing days
You and I dream away

With my feelings on the March wind
The cherry blossom buds continue on into spring

The overflowing drops of light
One by one warm the morning
Beside you, I'm a little embarrassed
After a huge yawn

I'm standing at the door to a new world
What I've realized is that I'm not alone

If I close my eyes
You're behind my eyelids
How strong has that made me?
I hope I'm the same for you

The dusty whirlwind
Tangled up the laundry, but
The white moon in the morning sky
Was so beautiful, I couldn't look away

There are things that don't go the way I planned
But if I look up to the sky, even they seem small

The blue sky is cold and clear
The fluffy clouds float by quietly
If I can share with you the joy
Of waiting for the flowers to bloom, I'll be happy

From now on, I want you to be quietly smiling beside me

If I close my eyes
You're behind my eyelids
How strong has that made me?
I hope I'm the same for you